If we strive to have ‘me time’, why aren’t we encouraging this in our children, especially in this hurly-burly life we seem to lead where the electronic age of cell phones, emails, playstations, DVDs has overwhelmed us and our families and we are on a constant roller coaster and hurtling towards burn-out! We need to stress that having ‘me-time’ / ‘quiet time’ is such a positive factor in our lives and definitely not a negative one.
It is almost as though we cannot cope without instant results, being instantly in contact with everyone constantly and with a cellphone attached to our ear and laptop hanging from our hips – what message are we conveying to children… We cannot socialize children to be in constant contact with their peers, to be fiddling with buttons whether it is on a cellphone or remote and to be in an agitated and fraught state. We need to be setting the example to centre ourselves and take a deep breath, to spend some quiet time catching up with ourselves and to create an atmosphere of peace and tranquility in the house so that children and adults alike can spend some time on their own just….contemplating…reflecting….planning their week…preparing…getting in touch with themselves and their feelings… How often don’t we as adults have a light bulb moment at a time like this when we are able to think out of the box ?
It may be helpful to have a “cue in the family” or “family tradition” and one can start with children at an early age - “Mom and/or Dad are having quiet time and so are you and your brother/sister “ . Bedroom doors can be ajar with little ones and as the need for privacy increases in the pre- and teenage years, doors can be closed ( preferably not locked for safety reasons) and this should be respected. Initially quiet time can be simultaneous for family members, but as children grow up, the chance of this decreases but nevertheless , privacy is respected as it has become a norm within the family.
A time is likely to come when parents will be introducing rules in homes with the intrusive sms and cell phone rings….
From my experience children who are able to their enjoy their own company often become self reliant and self sufficient and are learning a valuable life skill and coping mechanism.
Moms often feel socially inadequate if they are not organizing playdates very regularly and they feel pressurized to involve children in every extramural that they can do and other activities organized for children., but children do need to know how to amuse and entertain themselves. An elderly lady recently commented to me how different her life would have been had she not done a lot of handwork, arts and crafts and reading etc over the years – as now she is widowed and has so much time on her hands which could have caused great loneliness but instead she keeps herself busy and stimulated and had made many friends through this – it was great food for thought as children are often not encouraged to do activities on their own such as just described above and yet their lives could be so enriched. Imagine children preserving happy memories through scrapbooking and thinking about their life while they are doing this and having a great sense of accomplishment producing the scrapbook…or making pretty cards for friends and family members’ birthdays.. these activities can always be done in quiet times at home and in the privacy of their own rooms if necessary. Engendering a love of books and reading will go a long way in helping children to enjoy spending time on their own and getting involved in the particular book they are reading and will enrich their lives considerably. Many adults find reading a great source of comfort especially during stressful times – they can lose themselves in the story. The same can be said for listening to some forms of music quietly.
Children can be encouraged to journal - this can be a very therapeutic exercise to keep a diary and jot down some of the things that have happened during the day and to reflect on this from time to time – they can include their goals, their hopes and their dreams and can look back on their journal to plot their progress in achieving these. Re-reading journals can be great fun.
What about encouraging baking or making a dessert once a week – and sharing some of the baked goods with an elderly neighbour with whom the child can spend a few minutes each week – this would be so meaningful to the neighbour and can encourager a sense of community and empathy for others in the child.
I have found that children often enjoy a little patch of their own in the garden – especially if they can plant and tend some vegetables that can be used in the home at mealtimes.
Children need to be aware that they should consider others such as neighbours, grandparents, aunts and uncles and not to become self centred by continually wanting to be involved in organized activities, not to mention the cost of these. Children over indulged with activities may have skewed expectations often taking too much for granted - they do not learn to be committed to a particular extramural or two and to persevere with those.
Parents also have to make boundaries so that they are not at the beck and call of their child for transporting them here there and everywhere in order for them to constantly be with others – children have to learn that they cannot constantly be demanding and that they have to respect their parents and their need to be still and quiet and to just be around at home gathering their thoughts!
MARGARET DAVISON, CO-ORDINATOR OF MOMS AND MOMS-TO-BE- GROUP ,THE PARENT CENTRE
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